Episode 54: Helping Teens Shine Hope in Uncertain Times, featuring Elad Talmor

In this episode of The Hope Matrix, host Kathryn Goetzke welcomes back Elad Talmor for a powerful follow-up conversation on supporting teenagers in Israel through times of crisis. Elad shares insights from his work with youth facing anxiety, depression, PTSD, and the challenges of growing up amid uncertainty. 

Together, they explore the role of purpose, gratitude, compassion, and self-care in fostering resilience. Through inspiring stories of young individuals overcoming adversity, Kathryn and Elad highlight practical strategies to navigate mental health struggles, emphasizing the power of hope in transforming lives.

More about Elad Talmor

Elad Talmor is a dedicated educator and mental health advocate working closely with youth in Israel. With a passion for fostering resilience, he helps teenagers navigate mental health challenges through hope-based strategies, self-awareness, and meaningful goal-setting. Elad has been instrumental in guiding young individuals toward personal growth, self-acceptance, and emotional well-being.

Transcript

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This is Kathryn Goetzke, host of The Hope Matrix podcast. We are here to share science, stories and strategies for how to hope. I'm the Chief Hope officer of the Shine Hope Company. And SHINE is the mnemonic for how we teach hope. So when we talk about hope, we talk about how we use Stress Skills, Happiness habits, Inspired Actions, Nourishing Networks and Eliminating Challenges which are thinking patterns that get in the way of our ability to hope. Hope is a skill. You can measure hope, you can teach hope and you can start practicing skills to activate higher hope in your life today. And on this Hope Matrix podcast, we aim to bring in guests, experts in science, people with stories, and those that have strategies for activating hope in your life. Hello, everyone. This is Kathryn Goetzke, host of the Hope Matrix podcast. Thrilled to be with you all today and to talk about a very important subject. And that is how we shine hope in times of really, massive crisis. And I have a guest here with me today who's an expert on that and is working with youth in Israel. He is teaching them to shine hope in times of war. Really. And and, you know, if ever there is a time to practice the skills for hope, it's during times of massive crisis. Yet it can almost seem impossible. And so we're really, really very grateful to have a ton more with us today to talk about his work in Israel, what he is doing with the teenagers, how he is working with them to write their shine Hope stories, and to share more of his wisdom and insights. with us. So welcome to the show today. Thank you so much for joining us. Yes, thank you for having me. Yes, it's been a while. You've been on the show before, so, I'm excited to reconnect with you. It's fun. I'm not sure. Maybe six months or something. Since we last talked, a lot has happened. And, you know, I would love to get an update. What is the climate, with you all in your country? How are things going? Right, right. So, well, the climate has changed. the war is not over yet, but, it seems that, it's it's getting better. I mean, there's less fighting. Okay. So people, in most parts of the country came, go back to their daily life and now concentrate on their daily lives. however, now, now, when we feel that, there's less fighting, we see that more people are suffering, from, reaction from anxiety, from their, PTSD. All right. Because, many people, they had to survive it. Well, for, a long period of time, for a few months. And now when there's less fight, the, we say that people are more suffering. So. So it's it's these are still challenging times. These are still trying times in this room, and and and we are doing all this. Yeah. I mean, and that's quite normal. It's not just during the time of crisis. I mean, when we're in crisis, we almost are adrenaline. All of those stress hormones are keeping us active and and then when it's over, it's like, it's like the that's all gone. And so it's dealing with the aftermath of it. So that's quite normal. when we go through times of great, great stress and, and everything that's happening and like you say, the war itself is not over. And so you're still dealing with a lot of that and, and working with youth. And I mean, how, you know, how do you approach it with, unlearning skills for hope when they see so much trauma and chaos around them. But but so, you know, I think it, it they have one advantage, as I know a sense as teenagers that we don't have as adults. Okay. they're more focused on their daily lives. That's right. Yeah. There are less. I mean, generally speaking, they are less interested in, what's going on? in the, in the country, in the public opinion, so forth. So, yeah. Their lives is so intensive. Yeah. They, they have to cope with, growing up and, and with, so many challenges like any other adolescents, everywhere cope with, and still many of them, they, they have friends, that love someone or, family member who, who is dead. okay. so of course that the it's it has an impact on most of them, but the, the the the getting more and more and more focused on their daily lives like teenagers and over. That is so important. And that is one of the biggest challenges of them that you of the shine framework to hope is, you know, we try to control things outside of our control. We get outside of the present moment. We ruminate, we worry all of these things. And yet, exactly as you say, if we can just get back into the present moment, into our daily lives, focus on engaging with what's in front of us, with what's to do with our schoolwork, and stop worrying so much about all of these external things that we have very little control over. The more we spend our time on those things that we can't control, the more we stay in a persistent state of hopelessness. Because, you know, when you break down hopelessness, being both that emotional despair and the motivational helplessness, you know, of course you're going to stay in hopelessness, you're going to feel bad and you're powerless to do anything about it. So you are in that persistent hopelessness. You develop clinical anxiety and depression. So really learning how to get yourself back into the present moment again and again and again, especially when there are so many things external in your environment that are happening that are negative. you know, we are seeing that with with the election in our country, half of the people are pretty upset with the outcome of the election and are spent, you know, they're doing a lot of that ruminating. They're doing a lot of the worrying about the future. And you're going to develop a clinical disorder, a mental health disorder, if you continue to do that. So I think it's a really important message for all of us. And I always say I learned so much from teens and I always have everywhere I've worked with them, you know, that they are, that they are doing their best to stay engaged in their day to day in the school, in, you know what they're working on in that moment. I mean, I think that's a huge lesson that we all can take from those teens. Yeah, I believe with him. Okay. That's when, this is an important lesson that we can we can learn from teenagers and, this is an important lesson I learned from my son. He's 14.5, so he's a great teacher about how does it feel to be a teenager these days? Yes. Yes. Trying times for us. Right. exactly how, how we say I don't I mean, to to be engaged in your in your tasks. We all we are and to contribute to others. And so it's, it's a, it's a great distraction and you don't get to ruminate and to, you know, to not not to develop clinical disorder. Yeah. Absolutely. So you have been working with the kids on their shine stories and you're here today to share some of the teen shine Hope stories. Am I right on that? Oh, he, Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Amazing. Off the shelves. Yes, please. We are so excited to hear what teens in Israel are doing to for their own. You know, how to create their own shine hope story in. Our aim is to ensure everyone around the world knows how to write their shine hope story. We all have challenges. We all you know and the challenges of your teens are way more significant than than many of us can imagine. And so being able to learn from them, you know, we're so grateful, so well. So let me just say that I walk in four high schools, all right? And, I'd like to share a few stories or true stories of teenagers I meet at walk. Amazing. Psychotherapist. And it's in these high schools. And I'd like to begin the first teenager. His name is Ben. Ben. Ben is 18 years old, is a secular teenager. His family is, well, secular. and then copes with depression for, a few years now. you know, some classmates of of him, they, they call him weirdo because, he's an a student. He loves to study. But he’s not so good in socializing. Right. So his social skills. I'll, like you old, I would say. And, but the interesting thing is that he doesn't suffer from bullying, despite the fact that, he doesn't like to socialize. his classmates are not mean to him. Well, what about where isn't weirdo kind of mean? So sorry. Sorry. Isn't that I'm saying weirdo to him. Kind of mean. I mean. Yes, it is. but they don't, I mean, they don't bullying further on, I. Yeah. So they, they nickname him weird, right? But they leave him alone. And, and you can tell then another word for that is genius or brilliant. Okay. I think, you know, the first thing we did with him, I don't know, we did with Ben when I say with the education, our consultant and myself, we have been that we had them, we have him to to being to creative vision for himself. I mean, I say, you know, very smart. Yeah. I'm proud. You're all incredibly intelligent. what would you like to do? Yeah. You're all good. And that. You know what he replied? What answer? I'd like to be, professor in history, and and I'd like to teach others about the history of of our people, of the, of these real people. So. So the interesting thing is that he, he now he has a sense of purpose. Yes. It's, I'd like to develop to to develop myself as to become a professor in order to teach and to teach others about what's going on and how, you know, about the the story of, of all people. And this is, the source of strength for him. Well, wonderful. Because we know, we know capturing that one of the, one of the keys of shine hope, is to find, sense of purpose, to activate your purpose. Absolutely. Yeah. And your strengths. yes. And and for him, it's, it's it's so meaningful. So it gives him a lot of strength and and and hope that he can't because he's struggling. Yeah. Right. So he, he he takes his medicines. well, along and cause he visits his psychiatrist once a month and, he, he meets his psychotherapist, once a week is he gets his sessions on a weekly basis, and, still, this is, it's so important for him, and we encourage him to to know what he's. He wants to fulfill, wants to become when God's older. Yeah. That's amazing. So, you know what? What we did with him is, because he gets his therapy outside of school, we didn't want to, intervene. there was his therapy outside of school. We our mental vention was to to talk with his classmates when he's. When he's gone. I mean, when one day that he was absent and to, To help them, be to encourage them to be more compassionate. Yeah. I mean, it's his classmates should really be part of his nourishing network. And it's unfortunate that they're not. And they're working against him yet compassion is a skill. And we know all of the benefits of being compassionate for, you know, the person receiving the compassion and the compassionate giver, if you will. And so it's really it's wonderful. I mean, we must teach kids skills around compassion. You know, it's not necessarily something we automatically have or maybe we learn how not to for modeling from other people and from adults. And yeah, that's a really important skill to have. So that's wonderful that you're bringing that to the students and teaching them about compassion and the importance of compassion, and then them also experiencing how it feels, you know, it releases dopamine in our body when we're compassionate. You know, anger and and teasing releases stress hormones. And so let's learn healthier ways of, getting our positive happy hormones that click. And you know what? That's the one thing we noticed is that something changes. They have a misconception. They they think that if if I'm strong, if I'm a strong teenager, I'm strong person. So I'm not compassionate. No it's not I need to be tough. I need to well known and I can tease others. But, we, we we had a discussion with them that he can be a tough person. Yes, yes. And strong and have, Resilience. And at the same time, we can be compassionate. Yes. It's, It's not a weakness. Yes, exactly. There's nothing wrong. Right? Right. And you're actually healthier or healthier as a human. It's that. wonderful. but, Yes. So, you know, and. Well, what can you deal with? We spend more of, is I am inspired actions. Okay. From from shine hope so I, I, I had a conversation with him to cook one day, step by step, you know, just to to be focused on on your today. On today? Yes. break it down. I mean, you have a vision for yourself. And that's grateful for to become a professional in the future. And, but, so let's make a plan, let's break it down and focus on today in order not to get lost, you know, and not to to to suffer and to ruminate and, because because he's suffering, you know, he's suffering. He's is coping with depression. And so. Yeah. And, one, one thing we, we did together is to practice mindfulness and express gratitude. so we express his gratitude to his parents. Well, very supportive. and, they make a huge effort to help him out. And, he also expressed his gratitude for the stuff at school for teachers through, well, Cruz sounds about who. And and we these days, we are practicing mindfulness meditation and deep breathing. No, Brett barely breathing. and, and I encourage him to practice at home as well, you know, in the afternoons, the evenings after school, after the other. Those. How is he getting his happy hormones? Does he exercise at all? Enough. Well, this is something we we we, Because he is obese. Okay. it's very hard for him to exercise where he knows how important it is to exercise on a regular basis in order to feel better. Yeah. No. Yeah. It's Roberts. This is, this is really struggle for you. So he tries to just to work, you know, for a few minutes in the afternoons. Yeah. This is a good start for him. Yeah, absolutely. And like you said, I mean, you have to break it down because if you look at the end goal and it's too big, you get overwhelmed and you do nothing. So it's like, let's break it down into little incremental goals. Let's do a block a day and try to do that, you know, every day. And then, okay, let's add another block the next week. You know, so you're incremental adding to the goals. And then it doesn't feel so overwhelming. It's the that's the thing with depression. It's your, you know, the dopamine the serotonin. They're so low. And so figuring out the happiness habits, how can we get more of them in our body, our laughter? We know exercise is so helpful. What are nutrition? What are we eating? How is that making us feel? And then again, working on those stress skills. So the stress response I mean eating is often a stress response. We do that to soothe our, our stress, you know, when we're in our stress zone. And so how can we start intervening when we go to food or ahead of like going to food with a, an activity or a habit that helps kind of break that cycle. So, you know, and so it sounds like you're doing a lot about it. So great. And you know, and again, the goal is, to fix it all at once. It's to take anchor mental steps towards what we want done. Exactly. And, you know, another goal we gave him is to find an online community of teenagers like, like him who that love to study and or that they love history. Right. But. And, one good thing that, he's just mentioned, you know, last meeting was that, one of the teenagers he was checking with online is also coping with depression. And, and they gave one another tips, you know. Yeah. how to cope better. Man. It's it's amazing. I mean he now now is he has one more friend online friend. and maybe, you know, their relationship will develop and they can become reference even, Yes. In real life. Yeah. Laura. Yeah, yeah. I was want to commend Ben for taking responsibility and getting help, getting support, seeking support or, you know, owning where he's at and being brave enough to see a psychiatrist, to see a therapist, to be working on himself. You know, to me, how courageous is that of him? and, and for him to be willing to share some of those insights of his journey to help support others, that, too, is super courageous. you know, it's clear to me Ben feels so deeply. And that is a superpower, you know, when he can learn how to feel deeply but not, harm himself by by, you know, you know, if it's over eating or whatever it is that's, inhibiting him in any way, and he can learn to take those feelings and, and use them more for action and for change in society. I just, I feel that those with depression are really those that just feel so deeply in it. And it's hard to feel those feelings, whatever they are in relation to, you know, so, you know, how how powerful and courageous that is. Commend them for all that. Exactly. This is brave is really brave because, you know, arriving to school, going to school day in, day out and, coping with all those was all this thing is so hard. It is so busy with doing it. Yeah. And, Amazing. Amazing medicines. Well, we really hope things will get better for him. Yes, absolutely. always changing that. And everything's always changing. So, you know, there's keep on keeping on. Hello? make another story. Yes, absolutely. Please do. All right, all right. So. Oh, yes. I'd like to, to tell you about Ari. Ari is. He's 16 years old. he is, an ultra orthodox teenager, you know, from Harvard about the youth. it's a branch of ultra orthodox, Judaism all over the world. We also need to grow. And Harry copes with bipolar disorder. Not a minor depression. And so for him, you know, the most important skill is to pray. you know. It's a good one. It's a good one. I know. Because it is is infused deeply. The connection between himself on God, and on is expressing his gratitude for God, for full, well, giving him life, right. And for, also for, giving him challenges in areas like, it's it's, it's a struggle for him. of course, like any other teenager that it copes with, people, this older. But he can find also the advantages and it's amazing. so, yeah. And that's a wise of him to be able to give gratitude for the struggles, you know, I mean, that's pretty, pretty amazing of him at such a young age to really understand there is value in our struggles. They they teach us so much about ourselves and what we care about and and they make us stronger, you know, as we work to navigate our way through them. And they it's well and also to pray a prayer is an intervention, I think. Imagine if every time people were triggered, they prayed instead of reacted, you know, just how kind of much of a different world we would live. And if we were able to accomplish that, someone says something to me instead of reacting aggressively or escalating the the argument or the cover or whatever it is, I just got myself quiet and prayed for, you know, compassion for the other person, for love for the other person, for forgiveness, for love, for myself. instead of doing that, I mean, we you know, that to me is such a brilliant intervention as well, and one that I've talked to many clergy about, as you know, the most important, I mean, I think stress skills for hope are, you know, the, the first key for a reason. If we're not learning how to manage our stress response in healthier ways and, you know, the impulsivity, the reactivity, all of that, and to me, prayers. And with 90, up to 90% of the world adhering to some type of religion, you know, I would think all religious leaders would promote that as a very important strategy as it's physiologic cycle. You know, we have a physiological thing that's happening in our body. We need to understand that, and we need to just learn to intervene to slow that 92nd response down. It's incredible, you know, and, and other is compassionate is really compassionate. Yeah. Because he knows, because he's suffering. And there are times of, of, times of suffering for him. He is compassionate about for, for others who are suffering in their lives. Yeah. You his inspiration, this teenager, because he's as, as you said culturally is so deeply, connected with God and he can express his gratitude also for its challenges. Oh, so, what what we were talking, you know, and I, we were talking about happiness habits. Okay. So how can we reach out now to other teenagers while suffering and, and and help them, you know, and support them and you know, and, Help them to increase their level of hope. And thought for him, it was a new thinking about. So now I can, for a few, a few moments. Okay. I could for a few hours, I can get outside of my life and reach out to others. And I'm not no longer focused on my struggles. All right, so I'm all done. and he's he's a true believer. Okay, so these ultra outlooks optimism. And for him, it's, it's the it's it's a value in his life to, to reach, reach out and help. Help others. because it's, it's, an important principle in Judaism. how do you go to, to be focused on on myself? Well, yeah. but to connect with others. Yeah. That's amazing. I mean, there's and there's so much research backing up the benefits of volunteering, supporting others. I, I really believe that we learn so much about hope, too, by teaching others how to hope and to get ideas from them. So teaching others how to write their shine hope stories. That's why I love doing this podcast as well. I learned so much about how different people are activating hope in their own lives, you know, which is so, so important. So how wonderful that he again, at such a young age, is being proactive about doing that. We know that that releases happy hormones. so it's a great strategy for how to navigate navigate challenges. This is on the very hard days when you know that you're also supporting others and and helping others. That can be an anchor to really help us get through. That and you know what? What, we were discussing, we had a long conversation about feelings and emotions. I think I because, you know, there are times when it feels, right that he can do anything he wants in the world. You know. When me, Yeah. Yeah, yeah, the manic part of that you prefer. Not actually. When they come out of, in my life in the I, we never succeed. So, we were trying to to learn not to rely too much. Yeah. Emotional feelings. Yes, I know, I know that, right? Right. Yes. It's, so important. Yes, of course it gets so, psychotherapy, at his community outside of school and uses his psychiatrist on, and on a regular basis. And the thing that you, his emotions and fears. so, how would I say are so strong? Yeah. So intense. Sorry. Hey, you. Yes, I hear you are. Yeah. Okay. now it's. gets confused. Yeah. Of course they are. Yeah. And we we we will, we will, having a discussions about, what is the role of emotions and things, and I move the, we, I recommended him to watch the, the movie, inside out. yeah. And just, just to to keep you in the back of your mind that it's, it's not in a good plan just to rely on your emotions. Feelings. So move on. Yeah. And, you know, they come and go and I always, always tell you then we have them do this as part of the programing. The deeper programing. What are they telling you. Like what are your emotions trying. What's your anger saying? If your anger had a voice, what would it be telling you? If your sadness had a voice, what would it tell you? If your fear had a voice, what would it tell you and really get to the what is it even trying to say? And is that helpful information? Is it unhelpful information? I mean, they're often a sign of what we care about, what we're passionate about. So if we're really sad about something, it often also tells us, gives us a clue of what we care about. And that could be a clue into our purpose. Same with anger. Could tell us what we what we care about, and if we dig deeper into it, it can tell us about what our purpose is. And and so learning healthy ways to understand our emotions, especially the kind of negatively charged emotions and really just giving them space to breathe instead of suppressing them or running away from them. I mean, that's when we run to things like eating or self-harm or we don't want to feel the emotions, but actually emotions can be super helpful. They can be signals of something, or they can just really be a distraction trying to, you know, fear can be like a rumination or a fear about the future of something that's not going to happen. So we work to get back into the present moment. Yet sometimes again, they can be super helpful. So it's just learning to be curious about them, not to fear, because I feel so intensely as well. And I used to think, gosh, if I were to dive into my emotions, they would just engulf me, you know? But what I learned actually is, no, it was my running from my emotions that was harming me because I was turning to all of these things to manage them in unhealthy ways, that if I really dove deep into them and felt them and heard them, they would pass through me. They wouldn't stay in me forever. I would express them and they would really move on. And so it was a super important thing for me to learning how to identify and manage my own emotions. Super important. Exactly. And, you know, to accept them. Yeah, absolutely. And, as they are. Yeah. Try to avoid and not to try to run away from the how the, the uncon very inconvenient emotions. Yeah, absolutely. So, yes, honor is, he's doing better now. That's wonderful. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's amazing. So happy to hear that, Ari. And yes, using that, using that emotional charge, learning how to, you know, feel as intense emotions and then use them to help teach others about emotions. And to me about hope has been so important and how to navigate them. I use that as fuel to do the work that I do when I get so, you know, if I'm so sad about something or so angry about something, especially if it's something that I don't even have much control about or something that's going on in the world. You know, I use that fuel to do what I can in the space that I'm able to have impact, and that is my work on hope. And so I do a lot to identify and manage those emotions and then use that energy for for good and for change. All right. Right. Let's let's this is incredible what you're doing. And you know for him for Ari he's great read Rabbi okay. Great. The, the greatest leader of, of as an old, Orthodox Jew is, Rabbi, Miller. And, I mean, he's learned from his rabbi how to, how to cope in trying times. I mean, what what I asked him is to, to to learn how how do you. This is his rabbi called he. And when he was, when we he had difficulties in his life. Yeah, yeah. So important role model. Yeah, totally. And should get us his rabbi aside. Nope. Sorry. I would love to read it. Right. Yeah. Sorry if you do that. That's amazing. Keep up the good work. All right. Amazing. and I'd like to share with you the story of of Charlie. It's okay. Charlie. So, Charlie, he's 17. he's secular teenager. he copes with ADHD. And the thing this the his parents got divorced a few years ago, and it went ugly. I mean, they were fighting each other, and he got stuck, stuck in the middle of a huge fight between his parents and, It appears blame. And he feels shame because, sometimes he thinks if I wasn't born, my my parents would not fight the way they did. and Charlie. Charlie is struggling. He's struggling. You know, he was labeled as, trouble maker at school because he has no patience to sit down and learn and to, listen to his teachers. So. And sometimes it's impulsive. He has something to say, and he cannot hold on as much. So he says, what you that the first thing that, uncertain and some teachers don't like it. to say the least. They don't. Yes. right. Yeah. this is such a challenge with youth these days. So many are struggling with ADHD. And, you know, the phone trains are brain to addiction. So it's very, very challenging. and it takes a lot of work. I mean, I was diagnosed with ADHD, but not until my late 30s, maybe, and really having to learn how to navigate it. You know, the impulsive is a huge thing. It's so big with kids and and the challenges so many teachers and parents think it's just acting out. And it's but it's really a challenge with our executive functioning and how our brain works. And until we can learn how to manage our and rewire our brain and do the exercises necessary meditation. This learning the stress response, learning how to, you know, that pause, that critical pause that's so important to learn, especially when we're very impulsive. It takes time and practice. And again, it's part of how our brain functions. So it's not like we're making this decision to be disrupt, live or disrespectful or a problem, you know. And that's and that's such the perception. And then when people and that perception and you don't have the executive functioning and that control it, the behavior reinforces that perception. And then they reflect the parents or teachers reflect your bad kid, your lazy, you're smart enough, you're all of these things. And then you start believing that and you have all these limiting beliefs. And that's really, you know, a challenge for mental health. And so it's just this massive cycle and one I think we need to bring major compassion to and understanding around, especially for children, as they're navigating things that we never had to navigate. You know, so the phones, the social media kind of all of that and how it built their brains differently. Our attention span as a human species has gone down to less than a goldfish. But the so. You know, it's I think under eight seconds now it's just we don't have the it's it's it's a different generation. And so learning how to be more compassionate about this and how to understand it from a biological standpoint and not put so much blame and to leave room for grace. I think, with our use super important. So like you say, Kathryn, have we have and an essential role as adults is, members of staff at school. know that to help him out, you know, there's not. So of course, as you said, Lee and many other teenagers with ADHD, they internalize these beliefs. So sections that I'm no good if, horrible. If I, if I wanted to succeed, I would, make, more effort, but I am. No, but I guess I didn't, make all the effort. well, and, you know that they, they internalize these misconceptions, and it's it's it's so unhealthy. Yeah. Absolutely. But we did once again, the educational consultant and I, we had, conversation we had, we had discussions with, first of all with this educator, to to is is on him to, to make it easier easier for him let him you know, out there and in the middle of the class of the session of the lesson, you get out and, and, have a break, short break. And, because he was labels, the trouble is that he was labeled as, that is, and, and teachers don't like it, and they, they lost the leaf on him that you can you work and and. That right there is a super important point too, because, a teacher or a therapist's hope for their patient is oftentimes more predictive of outcomes than the patient or students hope. And so when you are a teacher, a leader, a mentor, it is so important to never give up hope on on whomever it is you're working with. and if you do give up hope to find someone else to replace you in the role you're in, and to never show that to whomever you're working with. Because, you know, sometimes the teacher is the only the only person this child has in their life that has any kind of care or concern for them. I mean, what we find in the US is up to 50% of the kids don't have a trusted adult in their life. For someone that you know they can count on or rely on, and so it's just it's incredibly important that we never give up on these youth, and we understand that they are coming from a different their brain has been developed in different ways. They grew up in a different generation. They are not the same as the generation we were. And, you know, they have much different challenges and we don't know what's happening with them at home. We don't know, you know, there are so many compounding things that can come into play and so I would just yeah, again, stress, for the educators for that. It's that it's very important, to maintain a sense of hope for our youth. Right, right. And what we are discussing, you know, Charlie, he wants to become a soccer player. Is. And soccer is a big deal in his. Yeah. Almost. Chocolate sports. Okay, handsome. and, he's practicing, and he's he's making an effort to to become a professional soccer player. What I suggested him is that he. Can you let's let's find a sense of purpose, in being a professional soccer player, for example, you can inspire other teenagers who are struggling in their lives. If in, you know, all those, icons who. Yeah. Images adore. Yeah. Let's all those, stars, this the really the best soccer. stars. so, you don't have to be a star. I mean, it's it's okay. I, I wish you get. You become a professional soccer player, and you become stuck. Yeah, but you don't. You can inspire others. You on every level. sure. Yeah. But that's. And that too is so important, you know, that we can set these goals. We can think I can try to be a professional soccer player. It's the attaching to that outcome of that goal. It's the attaching to I must achieve this. Or, you know, when we attach too much to our outcomes that can lead to hopelessness. And so putting it out there, doing what we can to get there, but knowing that that our happiness and joy comes from the process. It's not for the attainment of this thing. It's from the process, how we connect with other people along the way, as you say, how we inspire others, how we work every day on our practice of soccer or habits or, you know, showing up to practice on time, getting the physical activity kind of all of those things right. How to grow as human beings. Yeah. Our work in the way of getting the exact. Yeah, yeah. So you just just appreciate the way. Yes. But yeah. Absolutely. So. Well, Charlie, you knows how how tough it is, to be, a son of of parents of the they don't get along with each other. yeah. You could like to help others. Who help others? teenagers who got lost in the way, because, he knows how he's suffering. Yeah. Of course. You know, his parents, they don't interact. They don't talk to one another. So painful for him, you know, Well, we send Charlie so much love. And, of course, it's easy to say that it's not your fault, Charlie. And you have nothing to do with it. It's. It's hard as a child to know that deep. And, you know, we can't. Unfortunately, we can't control other people. That's one of the hardest things. And so and, you know, adults project a lot of their pain and unhealed trauma onto their children. It's just kind of unfortunately, how it goes until they work on their own, healing, of their own pain and their own challenges, you know, and and again, when, you know, I, I always wanted my parents getting along. And so that was so hard for me as a young kid of seeing any kind of discourse. And I felt so much pain around it. And yet I you can't control other people, and that's a hard thing to come to terms with. You want to be able to fix everything and control it and make so like figuring out for Charlie where his locus of control is in his life, which it sounds like he's doing, like him learning that he can help and support other people in the emotional journey, you know, of having having parents that are divorcing or fighting, and working on his stress skills and his happiness habits and, and his own, his affirming beliefs, which are so important for, for Charlie if his teachers are giving him trouble because of his ADHD. I mean, when Charlie learns that his ADHD is going to be his biggest asset, like once he just learns how to navigate it. I mean, when I learn how to manage my focus, when I learn how to stop being so impulsive and how to stop that stress response so that I wasn't so reactive, and learn how to channel my energy into focus. I could get so much more done than other people could in such a short amount of time. Because I have this ability to hyper focus, you know? But it's it's learning how to do that. And it takes time and it takes love for self and compassion for self in the process. and, you know, I'm sorry the other people in his life for making it so challenging for him. And yet it sounds like he's taking ownership for himself of what he wants and what he can control. And how he's going to navigate it. And soccer is a great way to manage some of the, pain of all of it. It's soccer's a great happiness habits. You release so many endorphins, so much serotonin from that really intense physical exercise, which is so great for him. And he's so lucky to have you helping to guide him. What? Yeah, we're we are really making an effort, you know, this stuff at schools, to just to support these teenagers, to help them out, to, to to, to give them the feels that they are not alone. Yeah, yeah. And that that that the salon wall that we cheerful that. Yeah. We really need to. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely incredible. Well, much love to you, Charlie. I would send you. Yeah. Thank you. All of them. Yeah. I'm really grateful there were so courageous to share to what they're working on and the challenges. I mean, this is our biggest challenge right now. Our youth are struggling in such unprecedented ways. It's across the board. The parents are struggling figuring out how to navigate. Children are struggling. And so really sharing strategies and how we can how we can in healthier ways, deal with what's going on in life for for so many. It's so important. So I'm so grateful to you for taking time to to do this with us. Right? Right, guys? and for me, it's, it's meaningful. No, because, I've been a teenager myself, and today I'm a father for a teenager. And, you know, life is hard, you know? Right? Absolutely, absolutely. We all have our challenges. Yeah. And being a teenager these days, everywhere. Yeah. It's it's. Oh, yeah. Oh. When we were a teenager, there were no, social media. There were no smartphones. we can we could disconnect. No, just to to have time to to to take time off to to rest, to be catch, you know. Yes. They're teenagers then it's, it's more, challenging for them. Yes. That's why I think they are going to get this movement of hope going. And they teach us so much, you know, so it's really it's so inspiring. I mean, I learned so much about hope from our youth, some super grateful. So and I'm so grateful to you and to all of the schools that are supporting this work that are allowing you to do this work with them. So I'd love to hear more about who is involved on your ads. And yeah, and helping us activate Hope and learn about hope and practice the skills around hope and how to shine hope. I think it's brave and courageous of our school leaders to, you know, make it a priority in schools when there are so many competing and priorities right now. I believe hope is so key to all outcomes in schools. And yeah, not all of them, make time for it. So I think it's really wonderful that you have leadership in where you're working, where they prioritize this. Right? Right. So I'd like to express my gratitude for a few people, for few partners, for all of my work. We work together at schools. And, so, so, I'd like to, to, to mentioned school principals. may be, you're on the initiative from the north have been Marcus and Benjamin, vacuuming. they are great. They are great, educational individuals. All of them love that. Thank you. Yes. Thank you so much, parents. My mom is the principal says. Oh, yeah, she was. So I know what a hard job our principals have. I mean, so many challenges and so many different ways. The parents, the teachers, the kids, you know, staff, just all of it. And so. Yeah. On I know, I know. So yeah. To them thank you for making for making time for hope and for prioritizing hope. And I would like your principal, Shane Hope stories too. I think that I'd like to express my gratitude to. So, few more people. Yes. Of course, of course! So, my dear colleagues, the educational consultants. Seema mehta. Yossi. Itamar. Rabbi Shino, a dear friend of mine and and Moshe. I'd like to to thank you of, a dear friend of mine. He's a teacher and an educator, and that I learned so much from him about how to to become, a role model for his, students, for his, pupils. And, I'd like to thank you for his supervision. as you know, I'm a dear friend of mine and a colleague that gives you the best tips and advice. if that's someone. Oh. Yes. Yes. and, I'd like to to thank from the bottom of my heart to my mentors of. What do you not share? Male and female. for all the support and good advice, and last person, I'd like to thank is you'll catch and, I'll first of all, for your, generous attitude. And, you know, I mean, you, you are so kind to spread. This shine hope, this theory in the on the walk. The professional walk. You did, his hand reached my life is, Psychotherapist. And and as a human being. And, I learned so much from Shang Hope and from, And I use the method you developed in order to have teenagers in Israel to increase their level of hope. So. Thank you. Thanks a lot for all, on this. Thank you. That means the world to me. That's so sweet. And it's an it's, you know, it wouldn't be possible without you and without all of the work you're doing. And we learn about hope and our work through the work you're doing with our kids, our children of the world. I think they're all our children. And so, so grateful to you for helping to activate this with, helping us expand our knowledge, do better at the work that we're doing. our understanding of hope so that, you know, we can continue to evolve our, our programs and ensure that our kids know how to hope. They know that challenges are going to be a part of life and equip them was skills to navigate them in healthier and healthier ways. So really means the world to me. The work you're doing and help wouldn't be possible without you and without your whole team. And of course, my team. I mean amazing. They're amazing group of dedicated individuals that care so much about ensuring I'll know how to hope. And I'm really grateful. So yes, yes, it's it's so meaningful. So really, I appreciate the lots o you're a great partner for them. Thank you. As are you. Yeah. And as all our listeners are as well. So, you know, hope wouldn't be possible without all of you listening and helping us spread the word around. Hope and and sharing this work, sharing it with other people. we all go through challenges and, you know, it's our ability to navigate those challenges, those moments of hopelessness. So they don't become persistent, that they don't become disorders. we get ahead of them, we focus on them upstream. and we support, and we're more compassion and, and loving humans just in general. It's really it's really very critical. So thank you all. But to the listeners for listening in and helping us expand our work on hope, really grateful. And Elad, so grateful for this conversation. It's really meaningful and it keeps me going in the very hard and challenging days and challenging time. And I do look forward to coming and meeting with you all live at some point in the future. Be really wonderful to thank. Others who will to to to meet once again and to the station. Thank you. Catch. Yes. Thank you. So we'll be checking off. Remember everyone, no matter what life brings, you have to keep shining. You have to keep shining. Hope, take care and have an amazing day. Thank you all for listening in to the Hope Matrix podcast. We want to shine a light that hope is teachable. Hope is measurable and teachable and provide you with actionable insights for how you can start activating hope in your life today and provide a framework so you can start talking about hope with other people and practice these skills together because we are better with hope. Please feel free to check out theshinehopecompany.com, where we list all of our resources around how to Hope. We have a lot of free programs for how to hope, including the five day Challenge, our Hope infographic with a lot of skills that showcase how to hope and articles of how to incorporate hope in your life. We have The Hopebeat Weekly, which is a weekly newsletter that shares strategies for hope. We have a My Hope Story templates so you can write your own Hope story today. Also my Hope Hero so we can share what our heroes are doing to activate hope in their lives. And this is especially good with youth so they can start looking up to people that have overcome similar or challenges to them and seen how these heroes use the Shine Hope framework. We have a Hopeful Minds for Teens program and Hopeful minds Overview Educator Guides. We have a new evidence based college course so you can activate Hope on the college campus. There are programs in the workplace. Overview courses 90 minute courses for learning the what, why and how to hope. What I want you to know about hope is it's a skill. You've got to practice these skills to become hopeful. It's easy to fall into despair and helplessness when we deal with challenges in life, and it takes intentional work and practice to get to hope. And yet it is always possible. So no matter what life brings. Keep shining hope. Thanks so much for listening and have an awesome day. And of course, I've got to add this, that this program is designed to assist you in learning about hope should not be used for medical advice, counseling, or other health related services. iFred, The Shine Hope Company and myself, Kathryn Goetzke do not endorse or provide any medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. I am not a medical doctor. The information provided here should not be used for the diagnosis or treatment of any medical condition and cannot be substituted for the advice of physicians, license professionals or therapists who are familiar with your specific situation. Consult a licensed medical profession or call 911. If you are in need of immediate assistance and be sure to know the crisis Hotline. 988. If you are in need of support. Thanks so much for listening. Take good care of yourself and keep shining hope.