The Hope Matrix

Episode 47: Navigating Severe Bleeding Disorder and Finding Hope in the Toughest Times, Featuring Dr. Christy Oaks

• Kathryn Goetzke

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In this heartfelt episode of The Hope Matrix Podcast, Kathryn Goetzke talks with Dr. Christy Oaks, Clinic Director of the Community Counseling Clinic (CCC) and Clinical Instructor in the Counseling Program at the Department of Counseling & Human Services. Christy shares her inspiring journey of resilience, from navigating a severe bleeding disorder, experiencing a medical bankruptcy, and overcoming other life struggles.

This episode also explores strategies for managing anxiety, the impact of systematic marginalization, and the importance of self-care and seeking professional help. Christy shares simple ways she cultivates hope, such as mindfulness, spending time in nature, crocheting, and connecting with others. Christy’s strength and story will inspire you to find hope even in the toughest times.

More about Christy Oaks:

Dr. Christy Oaks (she/they) is a counselor, clinic director, counselor educator, and advocate whose life has been shaped by resilience, hope, and transformation. She recognizes and reflects on the profound impact of challenges she has faced, including experiencing childhood homelessness, living with a severe bleeding disorder, navigating the impacts of an ACES score of 6, and coming out as LGBTQIA+ in her late 20s. As a counselor educator and clinic director, Christy is dedicated to fostering spaces for healing and growth while mentoring future generations of counselors. Grounded by a deep love for nature, she embraces the interconnectedness of humans and the natural world as a source of healing and inspiration.


Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/christine-oaks-528233213/

Etsy: The Liminal Nook

#TheHopeMatrix #Podcast #MentalHealth #Hope #MentalHealth #Hope #Resilience #SelfCare #Inspiration #BleedingDisorder #Healing

This is Kathryn Goetzke, host of The Hope Matrix Podcast. We are here to share science, stories and strategies for how to hope. I'm the Chief Hope officer of the Shine Hope Company. And SHINE is the mnemonic for how we teach hope. So when we talk about hope, we talk about how we use Stress Skills, Happiness habits, Inspired Actions, Nourishing Networks and Eliminating Challenges which are thinking patterns that get in the way of our ability to hope. Hope is a skill. You can measure hope, you can teach hope and you can start practicing skills to activate higher hope in your life today. And on this Hope Matrix podcast, we aim to bring in guests, experts in science, people with stories, and those that have strategies for activating hope in your life. Well hello everyone. All the listener's so grateful to have you here today for the Hope matrix podcast. really, I appreciate you taking time to learn more about hope and strategies for how to shine hope in your life. today we have Doctor Christy Oaks with us on the podcast. That's Christy with the Y. so I, for all those listening, and I'm really grateful to have Christy here to share her expertise and some of her own journey and shine hope skills. So first of all, I want to welcome you to the podcast. So I thank you so much for joining today. Yeah, thank you so much, Kathryn. I'm so happy and excited and nervous to be here. Oh, amazing. I know I was terrified when I did my first podcast, and now I just get used to it. And then I listen to myself and I think I shouldn’t listen to myself. Now I'm really grateful. You know, it takes such courage to share stories, live, especially when it's personal to us. Yeah, yeah. No doubt. And yeah, I think it's the only way we all grow. And I think when we share stories, it can make it so much easier for the next person. If, you know, we share it with intention and with some of the strategies. But yes, I, you know, talk a lot about how I struggled so much as a youth and, and in my 20s and so much of the shine framework I use was the negative kind of turning to addictions and self-harm and all of these things that were actually making everything worse for me and, and for my life. And, so by sharing skills and your story of things that you've gone through and how you navigated and the healthy tools we use, the ones that we know are kind of backed by science, it's really I'm really grateful, as you are a doctor, too. Yeah. So that's amazing. Why don’t we start, can you just share a little bit more about yourself? Yeah. So, my doctorate is in counselor education and supervision. I just graduated this year. Awesome! Congrats! Thanks. I did my dissertation study on, the experiences of counselor educators and supervisors that identify within the queer community their experiences of power, privilege, and oppression in higher education, which was a really, really cool study. I'm a huge nature lover, and I'm currently doing a nature based therapy certificate at, East Tennessee State University. Since, you know, I graduated my PhD, and I had to find something else to do. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. and I guess a little on the more personal side, I am someone who lives with a severe bleeding disorder that has had a huge impact on the way I navigate my life. And, I also, I share a little bit about your childhood and early life experiences. I have an ACES score of six. And, my family also experienced homelessness for the first 11 years of my life. Thankfully, we had a family member that let us live with them. but it was a pretty severe hoarding situation, so just not the healthiest environment. And yeah, now I work as a clinic director and a clinical instructor in higher education. and as a counselor to. Wow, what's amazing? Good for you guys. yeah. And to all the listeners that don't know, ACES are adverse childhood experiences. So what we go through and you can get up to a score of ten. So I think it's I think four and a higher than solving and challenging. So I'm definitely higher on the aces or as well. And you know it can come from all kinds of things. what we know is that those higher in ACES are going to be higher in hopelessness, you know, or moments of hopelessness. thank you so much. What I learned in life was, even though I came from a great family, but losing my dad to suicide at 18, and a lot of the things I learned were kind of around hopelessness, around getting stuck in that persistent state of hopelessness. you know, we know it's also very hard on the LGBTQ community. You know, hopelessness is often a consequence of oppression, discrimination and so, again, you know, when you look at hopelessness being both despair or super like emotional despair and then motivational helplessness, so powerlessness to do anything about it, of course, you're going to be higher in hopelessness. so it's really about being proactive about our hope. Not saying it's easy at all, but, you know, learning and working together to cultivate hope in our lives and to learn how to hope and really where our locus of control is in that hope. and so, yeah, so I'm really grateful to you for sharing today and being willing to be open again. It's you know, we don't we learn through other people and, and when we don't, we can go through, you know, so many unnecessary challenges. And I think that, you know, my addictions were just a way to soothe my stress response. had I learned at a young age some of these or had I learned from people that have gone through it before me as well, that would have been really helpful. So thank you for being here. And for being honest about how you're feeling. yeah, of course. It's always an adventure. I used to be terrified of public speaking, literally terrified. And I realized that what I was doing was I was activated my stress response because I get in my head and I think, oh, I've got to say this, I've got. And then I'd stop breathing. And as soon as you stop breathing, you know, it just triggers that even more and more and more. And I'd get into this packed stage. So I'm grateful that I've worked hard to get to a place where I can do a podcast. So, yes. You know, maybe you'll have your own someday too. Yeah. I don't know about that, but I can. I can relate with that, with getting up in front of a classroom and teaching, like the first time I did that, that was very scary. But now it's just like, oh, hey, this is me. And awkward. And I say words wrong and this is just who I am. Yes. That's awesome. We must embrace that. This is the earlier the better. Yeah. yeah. So why don't you talk more about your experiences? So you mentioned a bleeding disorder. What? What is what does that even mean, though? I have it's actually pretty common in the United States. Just most people have a very mild form and don't know that they have a bleeding have the bleeding disorder. But what I have is called von Willebrand's disorder. and had type two a severe. And so what that means for me is that in my in my blood, everyone has well, not everyone. If you have sibling disorder issues with your blood, then you don't have this. But there's the von Willebrand factor in your blood, and that's part of the clotting agent for whenever you get a cut or a bruise, that goes in and it helps your, your cells stick together so that you can form a clot minor, misshapen. And so they don't stick together like they should. So the average person, if they were to get like, say, a cat scratch, on average someone without a bleeding disorder would stop bleeding within like seven minutes. The last time they did a, timed test on me to see how long it would take for me to stop bleeding. They stopped after 45 minutes because my blood just was not clotting. Yeah. yeah. Yeah. So it's, it has a huge impact on, like, everything in my life. And, you know, I was born assigned female at birth, so, like, heavily impacted my menstrual cycle. so from the time I started, my cycle, I was in and out of the hospital getting blood transfusions and medications to try and help stop the bleeding. But that was just like one time when I was 13. That entire year, I bled every single day. Yeah. Wow. And I mean, what are the physical like? You like, how did all that? I mean, could you do anything? Could you? Well, so von Willebrand, willebrand's affects the, soft tissues. So, like, when I was really young, I would have, like, really severe nosebleeds, and it would take several hours for them to stop. And that was not fun for a kid who had undiagnosed ADHD having to sit still while my mom holds my nose for a nose bleed. Oh my. Gosh. and I bruise really easy. So at the time when I was younger, there was, actually an investigation into my family for child abuse because I had bruises just from my parents picking me up out of the crib. but during that time, with, heavy bleeding from my menstrual cycle, I was just anemic all the time. So very, very low energy had to move really slow. There was a couple of times where I actually passed out from the blood loss. yeah. So just. Exhaustion. Yeah, yeah. And here you sit today for the PhD. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's kind of a miracle that I'm still alive. Wow. Yeah. That's amazing. so share more. About what? So what were the stressors? So I'll kind of walk through the shine framework, if that's okay with you. And you could just share how you're navigated. Is there anything else specifically you want to talk about throughout this? no. I feel like, the bleeding disorder has been one of the biggest challenges I've had in my life, so. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. And then if you're in a high renaissance for you, you're not equipped with a lot of the skills. And I mean, for me being really reactive, very emotionally, you know, reactive to things. So we're very fast. Trigger I get triggered by something. it's so it's been a real process for me to learn. But thanks to neuroplasticity, you can rewire your brain through these practices, through all of them, which is amazing. So, Yeah. And and I actually, as you go by she/her correct. She/they. She/they sorry. Got it. so you were assigned female. And can you can you explain more to our listeners what that means? She/they. so it is gender identity is unique to every individual. For me, I do not identify as cisgender. And so for listeners, cisgender means that your gender identity aligns with the sex assigned at birth. So if you are assigned female at birth and you resonate with being female and femininity, and you identify as a female, then you would be cisgender. for me, it kind of depends on the day as how I identify. So usually I'll just say identify as gender fluid or gender queer. And for me, that just means, I don't resonate with identifying as female or resonate with femininity all the time. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. It really just ebbs and flows and depends on the day. So there are some days she/her pronouns still fine, and there are other days that feels like I need to come out of my skin, because that's not me about it. Thank you so much. Yeah, and the we’re going to do a whole episode on that. I think it's so important. And what people fear they often are against. And so being open about it and just helping understand this really. Yeah, I'm really grateful for that. So, and I'm sure that adds a whole other complexity to everything you navigate. Definitely it, I feel like it. And, the bleeding disorder and hot impact on my menstrual cycle. They kind of they go together, they're like married. But, yeah, that makes sense. So let's talk more about stressors. Triggers, stress skills. again, our stress response when we're triggered by things, we have this warning of chemicals in our body nurture and often adrenaline and cortisol. And they keep us in our downstairs brain. And we can think and collaborate and problem solve and, you know, be in a necessarily hopeful place. I say we have to use our sadness or anger fear as indicators. We don't want to run from them. We want to address them, listen to them, learn from them, and then work to get back. Navigating our way back into our upstairs brain. That's what we talk a lot of talk to a lot of kids about that. So I can imagine there's a million things that are stressors for you in life and that have that. And every time, I mean, if you have a bleeding disorder, every time you it's options are cut up or anything happens. That's a trigger. I would imagine. So can you talk more about the triggers and kind of what you do to navigate it, navigate them? You know, you would think every time I would get cut or bump into something that that would be a trigger, but it's just so much part of my norm that it's honestly not like it's it's almost and maybe this is very, very privileged for me to say within the bleeding disorder community, but I've had a hysterectomy. And so since the hysterectomy, it's almost like I sometimes forget that I have a bleeding disorder because that was where all my symptoms came from. So for me, the triggers are more of like when a student on campus sees me and, assumes that I'm a person who has a menstrual cycle and asks me if I have a tampon or a pad, that for me as a trigger because it makes you feel really weirdly uncomfortable or if people ask if I have children or when I'm going to have children, or why don't I have children? Those are big triggers for me, but not so much the day to day stuff. More as like the specific to the menstrual cycle stuff. Got it, got it. And how do you navigate I mean, navigate the triggers. Depends on the day. depends on the day. And that depends on the trigger. Right? Right. Yeah. And you even realize, I mean, do you realize in your body when you're getting triggered by things? it takes me a minute to get there. Yeah, to realize what's happening, because I'm. I tend to be so in my head. Yeah. And getting in touch with my body takes a lot of intentional effort for me. Yeah. So. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. I know. And when you grow up in trauma or any kind of you become. Yeah, almost protect it against those triggers somewhat. You know, you develop this kind of a barrier. You cannot. And so the you draw everything doesn't it. Back to you. So it took me as a long time to really get in touch with how am I feeling, what is triggering me? I wore a leap which measures HRV in the real time, and it would start vibrating when it noticed I was trigger and I was like, am I? I'm triggered? And then I would realize, oh, I'm reading an email and this is triggering me. So even getting in touch with the triggers, yeah, is so important. And to me it's such an important stop approach because until you start really understanding when you're triggered, what triggers you, how it's triggering you, what it makes you feel and how you navigate it. You're going to have challenges because when you react, when you're in those triggered places, we do really do things that are very harmful for us. So yeah, so it's a process for you, I'm hearing. Yes, very much so. I feel like I feel like my mental health has a big impact on that too, which we're kind of talking about already. but so I'm, I have several diagnoses, but I feel like my depression and my anxiety are like they have a huge impact on how I navigate my life. And so there will be days where like, everything's fine. But as the days start getting shorter and there's less time that I can spend outside comfortably. Not that there's any kind of bad weather, just not preparedness. it has a big impact on, like, I guess the depression or even seasonal affective disorder. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Makes sense. Absolutely. So how do you how do you navigate. Like what do you do for your stressors. And so I do a lot of gardening. You know. Awesome. Yeah. Yes. I'm very much like a chaos slash cottage garden gardener. I like going on nature walks, just being outside. I love doing sit spots. Are you familiar with what? That's that spot. That's. No. Do you go there? Like, my favorite way to start the day? but it's just going out in nature and finding a place that you can sit and be comfortable and just sit in silence and just notice, the nature beings around you, see if they have any, like, messages to offer you or if you can find any reflections of what's going on in your world that can give you like information or hope. and I'll usually do that practice for at least 15 minutes, but it always ends up turning into like 30 or 45 minutes because I just I love it, but I'll go outside in the mornings, I'll have my tea and I'll just sit in my garden and just watch the birds look at the and see the new blooms. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. And as you mentioned, I mean, you brought up the weather, but it's challenging to do that then when you get out and crazy weather. And so I feel like we have to be really creative about what skills we use and how we kind of replicate that or in what way. I saw a lot of that in Covid. If we stopped doing our stress skills or happiness habits, we can, you know, develop a clinical anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder. And so for me, I had to get really creative about the stress skills I'm using, especially when I all of a sudden lose access to them or can't do them anymore. For whatever reason. I have to figure out another way to manage my stress hormones. That's healthy for me. You know, you used to manage that with smoking or drinking or just things that would take those moments away, but that weren't healthy for me. And so, yeah, learning. So how are you doing that? How are you replacing that? Are you in a closed area climate or. Yeah, it actually snowed today. We had a two hour snow delay. So that was nice. Fine. Yeah. So weirdly, I like being outside when it's cold. like, I, I like being able to put the layers on. Yeah. So I will still go outside. I don't spend nearly as much time, though. I also have, a lot of houseplants to, like, take care of inside. so I will I will, honestly, I'll just walk around my house looking at all my different houseplants to check on them and see how they're doing. Yeah, that's one thing that I do. I also, I'll do some tapping or yoga or some meditation. I also, I like to crochet Little Bear too. So yeah, that's kind of neat. That title I did nine. That's impressive. Thank you. Yeah, it's very meditative. that's gathering. Yeah. And I you know, when I think about anxiety, I think about for me it was just my fear response. Yeah. And I got into that fear response. And so this my stress skills helped me navigate my fear response. And now I'm very aware of it and very intentional about it so that I can instantly manage, just constantly navigate in my fear response with stress skills. And really the same thing with happiness habits. Getting serotonin. Our bodies can produce serotonin, dopamine, you know, these positive happy hormones. And so it's learning how to how to manufacture them within our bodies, how to the best of our ability endorphins. And so how do you do that? I will say I think practicing gratitude makes a world of difference for me, because it's really easy for me to. Yeah, see, the people I graduated high school with, like they have children that are like getting ready to graduate high school or starting to drive. And I'm like, I have two cats and a dog. Yeah, yeah. and so I like I try to reframe that in my mind to be grateful for the fact that, you know, I am still alive, I'm still here, I'm giving back to the community through the clinic that I direct. I'm able to help, the future generations of counselors, and by that I'm able to help more clients in that way. And so, yeah, just focusing on the things that I'm really grateful for in my life, especially the fur babies. Yeah. They're awesome. I have a dog myself. It's amazing. Yeah. And we've been smiling and releasing this bird bones and so and I now was I, I used to get so annoyed by some of the research in literature art like just smile, but it really like we have to produce these happiness ones. It really does impact how we feel. And I can tell when I'm really low and and I have to do even more things on that, you know, happy moment. We're just like researching what can we do to kind of create these happiness moments within ourselves that maybe it doesn't cost money, that the anyone can do anywhere. And there are so many creative ways to do it. and so what are other are there, do you have any other suggestions or tips? so for me, trying to make myself smile without there being like, something to prompt the smile is really difficult. And so I will try to intentionally listen to to music that I know will make me smile or laugh. And so anything the Alvin and the Chipmunks thing always makes me laugh. So, but I this is going to sound so silly, but one of my favorite songs to listen to when I'm feeling down is, Do you remember Weird Al and how he would make parody music? he made, a parody song for, Star Wars? and that song, like, every time I hear it, like, I can't not be happy when I hear that song because I just love it. Right? Right. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. And it's so hard because it's when we're unhappy, we don't want. And in fact, you know, we're we're done when we're in. It's hard. And that does help us to feel better and to get back to a healthier place where we can make better decisions and work to fix challenges we have or, you know, problems. now it's super important. What about the AI is inspired actions? Do cycles steer? I tend to do more like visualization slash manifestation. So I like digitalize things going well. And I know there's some research that shows like visualizing can be really, really powerful. Yeah. And so I try to tap into that and like yeah that's usually what I do. Awesome. Yeah. Visualization. And one of the studies I've just interviewed are actually Doctor Diane Dre. Her did and hope is that if you visualize something and then you see a challenge or an obstacle, visualize the obstacle and visualize yourself overcoming the obstacle or coming up with a solution and then visualizing another obstacle and then another solution you're actually more likely to achieve, like it boosts your hopes for, and it makes you more likely to achieve whatever you're visualizing. So think that's kind of a fun little practice. You know, you usually visualize, but you don't really see challenges along the way. And then it's with people once they run into this challenges, they kind of give up and they lose hope. But if you build kind of self-efficacy, a belief Y can overcome these challenges. And that's two one of the reasons we do the shine Hope stories we share, how people overcome challenges that nobody, you know, that people think you can overcome and share how other people have overcome them. And, you know, even by writing your own shine Hope story so that you can say, I've done her things in the past. I've overcome challenges in the past. So this is a new challenge. But I'm equipped with some skills. I know that I can do things that are hard. is another kind of cool booster. So. So what about specific to your bleeding disorder? What did you have to do to, like, get to doctors? I mean, what specific things did you have to do to get a handle on it, to get to a place where, you know, you can be out in society? I just think if I had it, I'd be scared, too, you know? I mean, if you trip and fall in your, like, playing a game or something and you don't have anyone around or traveling remotely or just any of those things, I don't know. Oh, yeah. God, my mind just went like. Well, you asked not to go. Yeah. No. What are the. So what are the like? What are the specific stuff? So you found out at work, what age were you when you found out you're the bleeding disorder? Okay. Gotcha. I remember your question now. So I found out I was 12 or 13. and my very, very first period was seven days long. The second one was like 25 days long. And I ended up being hospitalized because I lost so much blood. I'd lost, like, over half of my body's worth of blood in those 25 days. so it took a lot of work with my hematologist as well as an ObGyn, and they started me out taking one birth control that didn't work. Then they up to two birth control that didn't work. And then they added, progesterone and that. I mean, it worked ish because for the next like few years, I would be in and out of the hospital. I would have, like I said earlier, like a period that lasted for an entire year. And so with that medication that I was taking,

I had to take it at 9:

00 Am every single day, never taking a placebo. And if I was even 15 minutes late, then I would have a hemorrhage where I would more than likely end up back in the hospital. And the medication to treat when I have a severe bleed is intravenous, and it has to be given every six hours and it costs around 20 ish thousand dollars per time your receipt, you receive the medication. So it's it's staggeringly expensive. So yeah. And yeah, that was crazy. That was a big part of all of that was just like I lived by the clock. And if if,

if it was 9:

00, I had to have my medicine and take it right then and there. And if I didn't then. Yeah. So it's going. To be a problem in a few days. But haven't you remember it? so back then it was I knew it was life or death. I knew if I didn't take this, then there was going to be some really horrible consequences. And they weren't. It was not worth like, it was not worth it. And plus my parents, my parents, my mom helped me remember a lot of when to take it. And it just became this like natural habit of like intuitively,

I would just know it was 9:

00 and that I needed to look at the clock and then go get my medicine. Now. Now that's not the case. I can enjoy like, oh, it's I need to take my medicine and I'm okay. I'm not going to die. Yeah. but back then it really was just survival. Wow. Yeah. Did you have to do the of staff? anytime I was hospitalized, I did. Anytime I had have surgery, I would have to have the intravenous stuff. Stuff like, Gosh, my memory fails me sometimes, but I think it was like 2 or 3 days before the surgery, and then for, oh, two weeks after the surgery, just to make sure that my body healed and that there were there were any breakthrough bleeds. And so, throughout my life, I've had, 4 or 5 surgeries. And so. Yeah. And that's and that's still the case. Now, if I were to need another surgery or if I were to be in like a serious wreck and I had internal bleeding, then that would be the medication that they would need to give me. Gonna do there. Now, is that somewhere you have to wear a bracelet or something that tells you what, I do, I wear a medical bracelet all the time. and so that way people will know. Back in the day, they didn't keep that medication. It's got humor. P they didn't. Not every hospital kept it in stock. And so there was when I was in like my 19, like I was 19 or 18, my appendix, became infected and I had to have it removed and we couldn't do the surgery as soon as I needed because we were waiting on that medication. And while we were waiting for that hospital to receive that medication from another hospital, my friend ruptured. Yeah, it was just not not a good time. And so that was another like, like barrier to access for that lifesaving medication for me. So that I could receive the treatment I needed. Wow. Yeah. So now it's now standard in all hospitals. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. The last the last time I had surgery, it was like I remember the pharmacist or the hospital actually came to my room to introduce himself to, to me and my partner, because he was hand delivering the medication because it was so expensive and so rare. And so, I don't think most people have that experience with their medication when they're in the hospital. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How did you how did you pay for all the treatments? I mean, it sounds. Yeah. So when I turned 18, I incurred a lot of medical debt that my parents had not been able to pay. Yeah. and then at another point, I didn't have insurance, and so I incurred more medical debt. And I actually ended up having to file medical bankruptcy because I just I couldn't afford the astronomical. Costs, know what I mean? So many people do. That's like such a big challenge that works in the US. Yeah. And then that's a whole nother layer of, you know, challenges and stressors and all of these things. So. Well, it it's amazing. I mean, that you're, you know, again, you graduated with a PhD, you know, you've gone through all this and it's taking one step, putting one step in front of the other and continuing to work to kind of solve the challenges that as they have. you know, yeah. How do you how is your blood condition now? How do you how do you feel? I mean, is it still pretty? I mean, it's still like, if I were to get caught, it's going to take a while for to stop bleeding. And I have to like this time of the year. I have to be really, like, intentional about my nosebleeds because they can be pretty bad. Now to. But for the most part, as long as knock on wood, I don't get into any accidents like while I'm driving or like there's no like severe impact on my body, that's I. I go through life pretty normal, just a little bit more hyper vigilant than someone who maybe doesn't have a bleeding disorder. Yeah. Makes sense. and what about your network? So who is in your network and has been supportive for you throughout this process? I have they've had, I've had a lot of really wonderful friends that, you know, as friendships do, they ebb and flow. But, I've had some friends that have really been there for me. Like when I had my hysterectomy, I had one friend that didn't leave me. I have another friend that stayed with my mom during the surgery. And so, they were really wonderful people. We've, you know, we're all busy and our lives have drifted, so I don't get to see or connect with them as often, but I still hold them. And I really like special place in my heart. I would say my nurturing network right now is honestly my fur babies are definitely in that network because they are like the best wellness thing ever for me. Yeah. Yeah. You have my partner and then I've got some friends too that are they just they feed my soul. yeah. It's amazing. When we were talking earlier, I was in another conversation about how it's it takes effort to make friends, to keep connected with friends, you know? Yeah. And as we're busy and, like, that can become more challenging. And as we go through transitions, transitions, sometimes our friends need to change, and we need to be intentional about making those connections, and our friends and our families and all of those people can let us down. And so it's important that we also state have a connection to something. And some and fur babies are awesome. you know, yes, I have a dog. And no matter what anyone thinks of me, my dog is always my biggest fan. Just just, you know, great. Amazing to have, and that's great. There's so much research around it. You know, I love how all the evidence is finally coming out about a lot of what we knew all along. Or, what kind of motivates our hope. So. And Pats and Animals are definitely one of them, so that's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. and then the E in our shine is a limiting challenges. And this is kind of a hodgepodge of everything our brain does till I get in the way of words or rumination. It's our worry, it's our internalizing failure. It's our trying to control things outside of our control. You know, it's our biases and just all of these things. So can you talk? What are your biggest challenges? You I don't mean all of them not I mean all of them. I know exactly. Yeah. yeah, I think, I know we always say, like, we're our own worst critic. We are, and I. Oh, my gosh, I definitely am. I think I will be harsher and meaner to myself than anyone else ever. Possibly could be worse off. Yeah. So those automatic negative thoughts that I have, they are a huge challenge. And with them comes the rumination and the worry and then internalizing and taking everything personally. And, yeah, it's just it's been it's been, a great opportunity to learn to unlearn those patterns, to try to unlearn those patterns and try to give myself some of that kindness and compassion and grace that I give to most everyone else that I ever meet. but yeah, it's hard to give it to myself. Yeah. I think even the awareness of that and that, you know, becoming aware of that is such an important part of the process. Do you use any effort? Do you use affirmations at all? I actually do like mantras in my mind. And so whenever, yeah, whenever that those thoughts start coming in. I, have a lot of the thoughts also like for me, it's almost like if I experience any kind of conflict or anything that feels like I feel like I'm being attacked, even though that's probably not what's happening for me growing up, if there was conflict, that was life or death situation usually. And so now I almost interpret conflict as life or death. And so for me, I have to do the mantra I am safe, I'm calm, I'm protected, and like saying that to myself and visual lighting as well. Like when I say when I say I'm grounded, I visualize, words coming out of the bottom of my spine and going down into the earth. And when I say I am protected, I visualize like just this, like bubble of like energy and light that surrounds me, that protects me. And so the mantra and the visualization, it seems to really help to ground me and bring me back to the moment and realize there's no life or death situation here. You just forgot to do this thing. And I up, right? Yeah, that's awesome that you found something that works. And, you know, different things work for different people. So I always say explore what works for you. You know, the mantras, affirmations, you not touching the five four, three, two, one word touch, smell, taste. You know something. You have a practice you can work to because it is. We're in our minds and when we get back into the present moment, it's usually everything's okay in the present. It's in our minds that it's not okay. And so and just even learning what our brain does to kind of talk us into these states, you know, and how to intervene and that we are not our thoughts. We are observing our thoughts. So I love Michael Singer. He's really an inspiration for some of this work. So, yeah, that's awesome. And so that's how you shine. So I love that. Also help. I wonder if we could just have just chat for a few minutes about some a conversation I had earlier, if you're willing, about, you know, what do we do about and I, I it's a conversation I have all the time because I go and we speak with different populations and there are certain populations that are so discriminated against, so marginal, was so high in hopelessness. Yeah. And that say, how can I hope and why should I hope when the system are, you know, set up this way and you know, we're the power and they're not changing. what do you, what do you have any advice or thoughts or, you know, words of wisdom on that from your perspective? that's saying that I just thinking about institutionalized racism and how. Yeah, just how that impacts Bipoc communities. And also I'm thinking about intersectionality and how, like the different layers of our different identities and how they're layered and how they impact how we navigate the world. and then I'm also thinking about, like, implicit biases, the biases that a lot of people hold internally that they were learning before they even understood what they were learning or how to think, but they were learning. And so. I guess, to answer that question, I'm just going to kind of look at it from a macro lens. So just on an individual level. And so perhaps one of the ways we can start to combat that is by inviting people to be more open, to have an honest look at what implicit biases they hold and not not attach those biases to whether or not they're good or bad people. So not threatening their worth or their value, but to be more critical, be a more critical consumer of their thoughts and their beliefs, and is is this thing that I did that a microaggression that caused harm? Is that a symptom of an internal belief that I didn't realize I had? And does that align with my values? And if it doesn't, how can I how can I unpack that? How can I unlearn that? And how can I, show up in more authentic ways to support communities that I care deeply about and people that I love? On to counseling is one way that a lot of people can do that. You know? Yeah. It's wonderful. I know I we all need counselors. Yes, I, I love my counselor. You know that. I know it doesn't mean you're sick or there's something wrong with, you know, such a. It means you're human. Exactly. And life is challenging and people can be challenging, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, having that non-biased third party who has total unconditional positive regard for you is it's so rare. and I need a lot of people who are like, oh, I try the therapists. And they were no good for me. I didn't like them. I don't want to go back. And I hear that, and I understand that. And some people really do have horrible experiences with therapists, and I don't mean to minimize that. And I would like to invite them to consider, a metaphor of like when you're a kid and you change schools and you're trying to find your new friend group, not every friend group in that school is going to be a good fit. You got to find the one that's going to be a good fit. And I think it's the same for trying to find a counselor. You got to find the one that's going to be a good fit, and not everybody is going to be a good fit. Yeah. solutely absolutely. Yeah. And I've had them through different periods of my life. Different counselors have served, you know, purposes during different periods of time, too. So it's okay to change at some point to if, you know, if you want some. Absolutely. Yeah. And you don't want to wait until you're in time of crisis to go find a therapist, that's not the easiest time to find one. That's good because you're in crisis. You know, it's about, we have one. And in your nourishing network, you know what I call. Yeah. I should have added her to my nourishing network. I'm sorry, I forgot, but, yeah, she definitely, she hold space for me when I need it, and she. Yeah, I appreciate her very much. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. yeah. So, any final thoughts or things you want to share? to our listeners or about your story or tips or. Oh my gosh. just to be kind to yourself, give yourself some grace and some kindness and continue to be open and curious. yeah. Wonderful. Well, thank you so much for joining, trustee with a Y and sharing your, your story and your journey and your challenges and, and how you're navigating, many healthy ways. And, you know, hopefully some of our listeners got some skills that they can use in their own lives or similar challenges or different challenges. but as I said, we're better when we share stories and we share what's working and what's not working and learn kind of together. So I'm really grateful. How can people learn more about you, or is that something you want to? what's what's the what's the normal way people are the other people. Well, LinkedIn or websites or any of the, that those. Yeah. I do have a LinkedIn and it's under Christine and then in parentheses, Kristi with a Y. Okay. Awesome. yeah. So they've been find me on there if they want or I, I do have an Etsy shop where I sell my crochet if anybody is. You just did I, did I, I just started it and like, I only have two items because another one just sold. But that's that's a tiny shop. But it's the liminal, the liminal nook. The liminal, not. Wow, liminal. ally I don't know. nook. Awesome. That's so cool. Well, got. I'm fast. There's two. I'm a hurry and takes you a while to make, you know. it depends on what it is. The more I do it, the faster I get. So, like, this. Awesome. Sweater took, like, 3 or 4 days. wow, that's pretty incredible. Thank you. Oh. That's awesome. Well, thank you so much for joining and sharing your story. It was really wonderful connecting with you. Thank you. Likewise, learning more about you. And thanks for going into counseling. You need counselors out there. so much so, so many people, different challenges. you know, talk in my nourishing network for sure. Therapist. So, and thanks to all you listeners for listening in, please be sure to share this with others. spread the message that hope is measurable and teachable, and we've got to be intentional about our hope and practice skills. And our shine Hope framework provides kind of an evidence based approach for how we can can work on our hope. It's a journey. You know, it's a daily journey. So again, thanks for listening. And and Christy, thank you again for joining us today. Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. Thanks. have a great day. Keep shining. Thank you all for listening in to the Hope Matrix podcast. We want to shine a light that hope is teachable. Hope is measurable and teachable and provide you with actionable insights for how you can start activating hope in your life today and provide a framework so you can start talking about hope with other people and practice these skills together because we are better with hope. Please feel free to check out theshinehopecompany.com, where we list all of our resources around how to Hope. We have a lot of free programs for how to hope, including the five day Challenge, our Hope infographic with a lot of skills that showcase how to hope and articles of how to incorporate hope in your life. We have The Hopebeat Weekly, which is a weekly newsletter that shares strategies for hope. We have a My Hope Story templates so you can write your own Hope story today. Also my Hope Hero so we can share what our heroes are doing to activate hope in their lives. And this is especially good with youth so they can start looking up to people that have overcome similar or challenges to them and seen how these heroes use the Shine Hope framework. We have a Hopeful Minds for Teens program and Hopeful minds Overview Educator Guides. We have a new evidence based college course so you can activate Hope on the college campus. There are programs in the workplace. Overview courses 90 minute courses for learning the what, why and how to hope. What I want you to know about hope is it's a skill. You've got to practice these skills to become hopeful. It's easy to fall into despair and helplessness when we deal with challenges in life, and it takes intentional work and practice to get to hope. And yet it is always possible. So no matter what life brings. Keep shining hope. Thanks so much for listening and have an awesome day. And of course, I’ve got to add this, that this program is designed to assist you in learning about hope should not be used for medical advice, counseling, or other health related services. iFred, The Shine Hope Company and myself, Kathryn Goetzke do not endorse or provide any medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. I am not a medical doctor. The information provided here should not be used for the diagnosis or treatment of any medical condition and cannot be substituted for the advice of physicians, license professionals or therapists who are familiar with your specific situation. Consult a licensed medical profession or call 911. If you are in need of immediate assistance and be sure to know the crisis Hotline. 988. If you are in need of support. Thanks so much for listening. Take good care of yourself and keep shining hope.